What makes a car a piece of $hit?

[55starchief]

Whilst searching for a redneck way to fix deano's leaking coolant i found this artical and thought the camaro owners would appreciate it


My POS

Until today, Aug 28, 2000, I drove a 1991 Chevy Camaro. It was named "Camario". I loved it... To death...

My car lasted 140,000 miles. The last 20k were spread over about 4 years and were pretty hard on the poor thing. Any real owner would long ago have taken the poor thing out back and shot it. But I just kept on driving that same slowly deteriorating piece of shit. Near the end you couold feel palpable waves of hatred coming from it when ever I came near.

It started trying to kill me a few years ago. It would let the air out of the tires so slowly that I would be lulled into the false hope that they were fixed. I had three of them replaced and the new ones leaked from the first day. I took them back and had them pulled off the rims, examined and rotated. The same two still leaked...

I have had 4 high speed blow outs. Only once was the tire really worn. One tire had had less than 5K miles on it. It still had those little rubber titty things on part of it. Little weird tendrils of newness, mocking me from a shredded tire.

It had other ways for attempting murder other than trying to get me to careen into trees or get dragged under the wheels of coal trucks. One of the better attempts recently was trying to gas me to death with exhaust. With the air-conditioner no less. Forcing me to choose between wonderful wonderful cool air or clean breathable smog in our swamp-like all-95 weather. All-95 weather? 95 degrees F, 95 percent humidity, 95 percent mold or pollen, and the ozone death scale at 95.

By the end, it was trying to sneakily disconnect the battery when I wasn't looking. And using up all the oil I has just given it without leaking a drop or smoking real bad. Somewhere in that car is 10-15 quarts of oil, seriously. It was probably saving them up for the fireball.

All in all we have enjoyed a fine love-hate relationship. I loved driving it, it hated me driving it. It loved trying to kill me, etc...

The really sad part is that it didn't get to complete the basic life cycle of the Chevy Camaro. Sure it had the wonderful first few years of powering around like a minor god. The declining middle years of redneck tire squealing and leaky T-tops. The later years of valiantly trying to off it's owner. But what it will miss is the honest farewell that every Camaro deserves: a firey death on a highway shoulder as the engine shreds itself in a crescendo of parts at high speed. No Camaro should be sent off to the American Lung Association as a donation, they shouldn't die in a crusher or rusting in a parts lot. No, they should burn to the ground, after giving their all in one last great gnashing of parts. The truly evil ones should maybe spend a year getting ripped apart and standing on blocks in the front yard of some infra-redneck's house. In the end tho, those too shall die in flames.
Piece of Shit-ness

POS isn't a state that is entered. It doesn't happen over night. No -- like a fine wine -- it has to rot over time. More to the point, it has to sneak up on you -- kinda like cheap wine, actually.

I've been trying to work out just what makes a car a POS. I've thought long and hard about mine and other friends crappy cars. I think I've gotten part of it down. At the end of this article you'll find the table I've worked out to help you figure out if your car is a POS.

Obviously, there are some subtleties here. You can't just go around declaring that every car with a droopy roof lining is a POS. It just might be a fluke in an otherwise perfectly fine car. I mean you give me a $100,000 Rolls-Royce and I'll be happy to spend $500 getting the liner fixed, you know? On the other hand, if you drop a hundred grand on a car you deserve to get a POS. Seriously, that is just ******* stupid. Buy two or three normal cars and crash some of them on purpose at the country club. It'll score you more points with the boys. Bonus points if you leap out while it's moving.

Also, while some vehicles might look like complete junkers, you have to take into consideration their expected use. A rusty beatup truck still moves a ton of gravel as good as a shiny new one. Better actually since some new trucks are just shiny and were never intended to haul shit around in. Drop a ton of horse manure in some of these fancy new mini-jap-crap trucks and they'd just dissolve. Space age plastics can't stand up to a good pile of manure, manure is a natural force that science has yet to properly reckon with. Only good forged steel or natural wood have a chance against that stuff.

On the other hand some vehicles are POS even if they are still fine for their tasks. Any Renault from the 80's was a POS, even right off the assembly line. I had a friend in college who had a Renault. One day in a parking lot, while U-turning to the left, he noticed the right front tire, wheel, steering assembly, and drive train sliding out of the front of his car. A quick turn to the right and it slid right back in. He was able to park it by only turning right and going straight. That is a true POS story folks.

[Roadkill]

Drop a ton of horse manure in some of these fancy new mini-jap-crap trucks and they'd just dissolve. Space age plastics can't stand up to a good pile of manure, manure is a natural force that science has yet to properly reckon with. Only good forged steel or natural wood have a chance against that stuff.

[Roadkill]

I just kept on driving that same slowly deteriorating piece of shit. Near the end you couold feel palpable waves of hatred coming from it when ever I came near.

Rings true to the Chav'scort, I can tell ya'.

[55starchief]

The truly evil ones should maybe spend a year getting ripped apart and standing on blocks in the front yard of some infra-redneck's house. In the end tho, those too shall die in flames.

[MaryAnn]

You don't even have to ask me this question!!!!!!!!!! starts with a C.....and ends with a O.......

[FUBAR]

Quoting: MaryAnn

starts with a C.....and ends with a O.......

Its 40 feet long & 2 lanes wide... Canyonero!

[55starchief]

Quoting: FUBAR

Its 40 feet long & 2 lanes wide... Canyonero!

[F Body]

 

[Roadkill]

Quoting: FUBAR

Canyonero!

Very apt, as well.

[FUBAR]

Quoting: 55starchief

What makes a car a piece of $hit?

They did that in Jackass the Movie...   I remember Martyn rolling around in stitches of horrified laughter

[55starchief]

Quoting: FUBAR

They did that in Jackass the Movie... I remember Martyn rolling around in stitches of horrified laughter

ah yes the corvette

[Mustangus]

Quoting: 55starchief

On the other hand, if you drop a hundred grand on a car you deserve to get a POS. Buy two or three normal cars and crash some of them on purpose at the country club. It'll score you more points with the boys.

[F Body]

Quoting: 55starchief

ah yes the corvette

Shudder

Was funny though when you saw the look on the Dr's face

[FUBAR]

Quoting: F Body

Was funny though when you saw the look on the Dr's face

especially after his explanation of how it happened... that and the Dr's suggestions to the guy about not letting his friends do this sort of thing again...

[Titsy]

Quoting: 55starchief

Bonus points if you leap out while it's moving.