How to get fired ?

[F Body]

Just in case you fancy a change of employment in early 2007 ?

Arrive late for work
Being on time is for wimps.
Drag yourself out of bed whenever you feel like it.
This has worked well for two people in our office this year

Party hard
Nights are made for partying. Hey tomorrow is a Bank Holiday party all day as well !
After all, you do plan to get to work late, don't you?

Eat at your desk
A large cup of coffee and a packet of noisy crisps - not your lunch silly. Why would you want to work through lunch anyway?
And take your time — you're in no hurry to start working.

Take a long lunch
An hour for lunch? Are you stupid ? That can't possibly be enough time to get together with an old friend and get the run down on last nights football.

Have a drink
What's lunch without a couple of beers? It'll relax you. So what if you smell like a brewery? Forget about the alcohol rules, there for drunks !

Make personal phone calls
If you can't make your phone calls from the office, when else will you find the time? Don't make those calls short and sweet -- chat away.

Speaking of chatting...
Let's not forget about the good old Net. You can go onto the MKB site at time of day, so why waste your precious personal time. Hey I've even done it on night shift !

Send lots of email
Use those eight hours at work to take care of all that personal email. Oh and don't forget to use your work email address.

Download, download, download...
Your connection is much faster at work than on your home pc.
And besides, there are some things you wouldn't want your significant other to see, even better use one as your screen saver

Make the customers/clients really mad
There are several ways to do this. If you deal with customers in person, ignore them while you talk to your co-workers.
Don't have answers to their questions. If most of your contact is by phone, keep yours busy so clients can't get through.
If they bother to leave a message, don't return their phone calls.

Don't ever go beyond your job description
Even when a project is down to the wire and your help is desperately needed, just remember: "It's not your job."

Leave work early
Who made that five o'clock rule anyway? If you leave 15 minutes early think of how much you can get done before dinner. This again has worked well for a couple of people at my works

The Office party
It might be a bit late now but never miss the chance to get blind drunk, insult the Boss and more so his wife and make unwanted advances to that girl in the other office.

Failing that you could just resign, but that wouldn't be any fun.

[ianjpage]

lol some quality advice there mate

[55starchief]

Quoting: F Body

Arrive late for work

doubt my boss would notuce as he doesnt come in till 5pm when im leaving

Quoting: F Body

Eat at your desk

All ready do that, quite often have a packet of sweets when im working at my bench

Quoting: F Body

Take a long lunch

supposed to have 1/2 hour but usually take at leas another 40 mins

Quoting: F Body

Speaking of chatting...

Hmm what else would i be doing at work other than ho'ing

Quoting: F Body

Don't ever go beyond your job description

yup been doing that for the last 3 years

Quoting: F Body

Leave work early

the way i see it is if im in work early i can leave early



Definatly time to find a new job

[Rob]

Join the railway....job for life and you get to do all of the above and more.....

[Roadkill]

I already do pretty much all of the above . . . . . Pity they don't pay more . . . .