2 Bad Jokes

[FUBAR]

How do you make a cat go 'woof'?
Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire.



How do you make a dog go 'miaow'?
Freeze it in liquid nitrogen, and run it through a bandsaw...

[55starchief]

Yup there bad alright

[Incursus]

Animal cruelty

[Jamieg285]

Cruelty to us more like....

[Incursus]

Quoting: Jamieg285

Cruelty to us more like....

Thats what I ment

[Roadkill]

Quoting: Jamieg285

Cruelty to us more like....

Yup.

[MaryAnn]

geeeeeze I'm an animal lover be nice please!!

[FUBAR]

mom and kid sitting going through a farm book..

what sound does a cow make timmy?
'moo' said timmy

thats good, what sound does a horse make timmy?
'neigh' said timmy

well done, how about a cat?
'meow' said timmy

and what sound does a frog make timmy?



'bud'...

advertising at its best.

[philoldsmobile]

oh dear god....

[ianjpage]

lol they good








but baaaaaaaaaaaaadf!!!

[FUBAR]

Another one:

This bloke is working on the buses and collecting tickets. He rings the
bell for the driver to set off when there's a woman half getting on the
bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed.


At the trial the bloke is sent down for murder and seeing as it's Texas
he's sent to the electric Chair. On the day of his execution he's sat in
the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.


"Well" says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?" "Yes"
answers the executioner. "Can I have that green banana?" The executioner
gives the man his green banana and waits till he's eaten it. When the
man's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending hundreds of
thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears the man is
still alive.


The executioner can't believe it.
"Can I go?" the man asks.
"I suppose so" says the executioner," that's never happened before." The
man leaves and eventually gets his job back on the buses selling
tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are
still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The bloke
is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair. The
executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up
to the electric supply for the whole of Texas. The bloke is again sat in
the chair.


"What is your final wish?" asks the executioner.
"Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch?" says the condemned
man. The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana.


The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch.
Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas. When the
smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in the chair. The
executioner can't believe it and lets the man go.


Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once
again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this
time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair again.


The executioner rigs up all the worlds electricity to the chair,
determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair
smiling.


"What's your final wish?" asks the executioner.
"Well" says the man, "Can I have that green banana out of your packed
lunch?" The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all,
skin included. The executioner pulls the handle and a zillion million
trillion volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is
still sat there alive without even a burn mark.


"I give up" says the executioner, "I don't understand how you can still
be alive after all that?" He stroked his chin. "It's something to do
with that green banana isn't it"" he asked "Nahh" said the bloke,










"I'm just a really bad conductor"

[55starchief]

Quoting: FUBAR

Another one:

This bloke is working on the buses and collecting tickets. He rings the
bell for the driver to set off when there's a woman half getting on the
bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed.


At the trial the bloke is sent down for murder and seeing as it's Texas
he's sent to the electric Chair. On the day of his execution he's sat in
the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.


"Well" says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?" "Yes"
answers the executioner. "Can I have that green banana?" The executioner
gives the man his green banana and waits till he's eaten it. When the
man's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending hundreds of
thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears the man is
still alive.


The executioner can't believe it.
"Can I go?" the man asks.
"I suppose so" says the executioner," that's never happened before." The
man leaves and eventually gets his job back on the buses selling
tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are
still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The bloke
is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair. The
executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up
to the electric supply for the whole of Texas. The bloke is again sat in
the chair.


"What is your final wish?" asks the executioner.
"Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch?" says the condemned
man. The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana.


The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch.
Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas. When the
smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in the chair. The
executioner can't believe it and lets the man go.


Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once
again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this
time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair again.


The executioner rigs up all the worlds electricity to the chair,
determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair
smiling.


"What's your final wish?" asks the executioner.
"Well" says the man, "Can I have that green banana out of your packed
lunch?" The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all,
skin included. The executioner pulls the handle and a zillion million
trillion volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is
still sat there alive without even a burn mark.


"I give up" says the executioner, "I don't understand how you can still
be alive after all that?" He stroked his chin. "It's something to do
with that green banana isn't it"" he asked "Nahh" said the bloke,










"I'm just a really bad conductor"

Booo Hiss, get of the stage

[Roadkill]

For a minute I thought it was going somewhere . . . . But that's just bad.

[Incursus]

real bad