For those of you who Like Football...

FUBAR · April 26, 2006, 11:30:24 AM

WORLD CUP FOOTBALL - LIST OF TV RULES

Dear Wife, Partner, Girlfriend,

1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell on the floor....It won't happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game; hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch?" because, the reply will be, "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, FA Cup, etc.

Thank you for your cooperation.

55starchief · April 26, 2006, 11:36:48 AM

Thank god for sky TV i will be able to avoid this whole thing

Roadkill · April 26, 2006, 11:56:47 AM

The only bit I remember was :

Quoting: FUBAR

If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV

After that it was all yabba-yabba.

Incursus · April 26, 2006, 05:36:17 PM

Quoting: 55starchief

Thank god for sky TV i will be able to avoid this whole thing

Indeed

and

Quoting: Roadkill

Quoting: FUBAR
If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV

After that it was all yabba-yabba.

yep.

Sammy Lou · April 26, 2006, 05:46:19 PM

no chris you cant sit in front of the tv nude

Incursus · April 28, 2006, 03:12:25 AM

Quoting: Sammy Lou

no chris you cant sit in front of the tv nude

Dammit

Lusty Lass · April 28, 2006, 10:22:52 AM

These are the same rules I have to adhere to every time there is a F1 Grand Prix! Not to mention the damn qualifying.

Incursus · April 28, 2006, 10:41:39 AM

soo errr whats football anyway?

Roadkill · April 28, 2006, 11:15:59 AM

Quoting: Lusty Lass

These are the same rules I have to adhere to every time there is a F1 Grand Prix! Not to mention the damn qualifying.

And Sammy reckons life with me is bad . . . . I Hate Football and F1 . . . . And I hate Television . . . .

Lusty Lass · April 28, 2006, 11:50:32 AM

Quoting: Roadkill

And I hate Television

weirdo!

Roadkill · April 28, 2006, 12:37:21 PM

Quoting: Lusty Lass

weirdo!

Better / more important things to be doing.

Incursus · April 28, 2006, 01:28:59 PM

Quoting: Lusty Lass

Quoting: Roadkill
And I hate Television

weirdo!

He's just scared of it.....it has power over him.

Turn a TV on in his presence, doesn't matter whats on, and he'll stand there like a chicken with a hood on its head.

Losty · April 28, 2006, 01:42:13 PM

so how can it see the tv if it has a hood on its head?

not a good analogy

Batgirl · April 28, 2006, 02:03:15 PM

I do hope Steve has read this 'cos I'm in charge during World Cups, European championships etc etc

He hates it

And I love love love it