Save the dead rabbit

[Lusty Lass]

Save the dead rabbit

A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful he began to cry.

A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explained. "I accidently hit this rabbit and killed it."

The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit. Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. 50 feet away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two again, hopped down the road another 50 feet, turned, waved, and hopped another 50 feet. The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can! He ran over to the woman and demanded, " What was in your spray can? What did you spray onto that rabbit?" The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said:

"'Hare Spray' Restores Life to Dead Hare. Adds Permanent Wave."

[Lusty Lass]

Travel with a horse


An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

"Well... Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

[Incursus]

Quoting: Lusty Lass

Travel with a horse

This one made me smile.  

Other one, more of a groan

[Roadkill]

Quoting: Lusty Lass

"Well... Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

[Lusty Lass]

A frog calls a psychic

Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."

[Lusty Lass]

A snail buys a fast new car

There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".

The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?"

The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."

Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.

The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"

[55starchief]

Quoting: Lusty Lass

"Wow! Look at that S-car go!"

Booo Hiss, get off the stage

[Jamieg285]

Quoting: 55starchief

Booo Hiss, get off the stage

Couldn't agree more

[Lusty Lass]

Quoting: 55starchief

Booo Hiss, get off the stage

Men are like....

Men are like....Animals
Messy, insensitive and potentially violent, but occasionally make great pets.

Men are like.....Bank accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

Men are like....Beer.
The first sip is always bitter.
No matter how many varieties you try, they are essentially the same; tasteless, full of bubbles, destabilize your metabolism and give you a headache, but somehow they linger and you either can't finish one or you can't get enough.

Men are like.....Bike helmets.
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.

Men are like....Bras.
They offer light, medium and complete support.
Men are like....Buses.
They come every 15 minutes.

Men are like....Buses.
They have spare tires and smell funny.

Men are like....Computers.
And a smart woman keeps a backup.

Men are like.....Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

Men are like.....Curling irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.

Men are like.....Fires.
They go out if unattended!

Men are like....Fine wine. They start out as grapes.
It's our job to stomp them, and then keep them in the dark until they mature.
And hopefully they'll turn out to be something we would like to have dinner with.

Men are like.....High heels.
They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

Men are like.....Lava lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

Men are like.....Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion

Men are like.....Mini skirts.
If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.

Men are like....Oreos.
Once you eat the cream they aren't good anymore!

Men are like.....Placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table

Men are like.....Recliners.
You pull the lever and they lay back

Men are like....Teeth.
You ignore them - you lose them.

Husbands are like....Children
They're fine if they're someone else's

[55starchief]

Blonde's Year in Review:

-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------

Blonde's Year in Review:


January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.

September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!


What a year!!

[Roadkill]

Quoting: Lusty Lass

Men are like.....Mini skirts.
If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.

Quoting: Lusty Lass

Men are like....Oreos.
Once you eat the cream they aren't good anymore!

Quoting: Lusty Lass

Men are like.....Placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table

[Lusty Lass]

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."

[55starchief]

Where would you be??

-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------

Where would you be if:
You have all the money your heart desires...
You have no worries...
You come home and the finest meal is awaiting you...
Your bath water has been run...
You have the perfect kids...
Your partner is awaiting you with open arms and kisses...
So where would you be................................................ ..











IN THE WRONG ******* HOUSE......

[Roadkill]

Heeeeeeeeyy, let's hear it for that little guy.

[Lusty Lass]

Quoting: 55starchief

Where would you be??

Quoting: Roadkill

Heeeeeeeeyy, let's hear it for that little guy.

I think you will find that the poem is referring to if a woman should come home.....


After all, take a look.....

What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.

[Roadkill]

Wasn't Woman made from Man's spare parts ?

[Lusty Lass]

k k k - truce - how about some funny jokes about us lawyers huh?



Did you hear about the terrorists who took a whole courtroom full of lawyers hostage?
They threatened to release one every hour until their demands where met.

Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
They had pictures of lawyers on them ... and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

How are an apple and a lawyer alike?
They both look good hanging from a tree.

How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.


What's the difference between God and a lawyer?
God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

Where can you find a good lawyer?
The nearest cemetery.

Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
To practice.

[55starchief]

how about a 710 cap

[Jamieg285]

She won't get that one

[ozzy]

some good one's there well good lol

[Lusty Lass]

Be afraid if you annoy this husband


A man and woman where on their honeymoon after a long and very happy courtship. On their honeymoon, they decide to take their horses through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe. As the horses were crossing a small stream, the woman's horse mis-steps and jostles the man's wife. Once across the stream, the man dismounts, walks over to the horse, and stares into its eyes. Finally, he states, "That's one." The man remounts his horse and they continue their ride.

A bit further down the path, the woman's horse stumbles when stepping over a fallen tree. The man dismounts, stares the horse in the eyes, and boldly states, "That's two!" He returns to his saddle and they move on.

As the afternoon sun began to set, the woman's horse once again lost its footing on a mossy slope. The man dismounts, moves to the woman's horse, and helps his wife out of the saddle the man. Moving to the front of the horse he stares it in the eyes and firmly says, "That's three," removes a pistol from his vest, and shoots the horse dead.

The woman, quite upset at seeing the beautiful horse killed, says to her husband, "That's terrible, why would you do such a thing!"

The man stares at his wife and firmly says, "That's one!"  

[Roadkill]

Oi!  Jamie's put up a specific section for jokes, Woman.

Take this over there.

[Lusty Lass]

Quoting: Roadkill

Oi! Jamie's put up a specific section for jokes, Woman.

Take this over there

oh yeah! Didn't see that!    Don't think I'll bother copying it over though, not that good a joke.

[Roadkill]

Bloody Swedish !

[55starchief]

Quoting: Roadkill

Bloody Swedish !

bloody blondes more like it